I grew up being extremely shy around men and not understanding a thing about them. To me, they were foreign, different and “scary”.
What I didn’t understand was how some girls found it amazingly easy to talk and flirt with other guys. These were the same girls who had guy’s attentions, were often hit on and had no trouble finding boyfriends.
I went through high school thinking there was something wrong with me.
- Absolutely terrified to be around boys
- Couldn’t talk to them for the life of me
- Fantasized about guys I liked from afar and didn’t dare say a word to them
- Watched as all my friends got all the attention
- Fell into relationships only because the guy approached me first
A few years back when I was going to University, I really liked this one guy. I thought to myself, I’m not in high school anymore. I’m not “shy” around boys anymore. I can get this guy to like me for sure.
So I thought, hell, I’ll chase this one. I’ll be DARING for once.
He was in a few of my classes, so I had plenty of opportunity to talk to him. We started chatting and I thought all was going well. I started to befriend a few people he was hanging around with as well in an effort to “find out more” about him.
Smart move, I thought!
At this point, remember, I was still pretty much clueless about men so I asked a few of my guy friends what they thought.
Good thing I did!
One of the things I fantasized about doing was just going up to him and confessing my love to him.
Omg, imagine the reaction when I told my guy friends.
“Oh god nooo, definitely don’t do that. You’re going to scare the bejesus out of him!”
I was, quite literally, dumbfounded. Wasn’t that how they usually did it? In movies?
Well, obviously I was completely clueless, so good thing I sought advice first!
I stressed for night and day whether he had feelings for me, and what my next move should be.
I was scheming to get closer to him with every class we had together.
I also over-analysed every little thing he said, and tried to gather clues from there as to how he felt about me and what he was into.
Boy, I was kind of obsessed!
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, there were other guys showing interest my way and I completely missed all those signals. Figures.
Anyway, I’d love to tell you that there was a happy ending to all this, but sadly no. Bet you saw that coming though!
Before I had a chance to ask him out, semester was over, and I thought we’d have more classes together the following semester. Nope, I was wrong.
Basically, I never saw him again after that!
Sorry, that was an anti-climax.
Anyway, the POINT of this story is not just to confess to the world how much of a loser I was with dating back in the day, but to illustrate all the dumb things I screwed up on and what I SHOULD have done instead.
I hope this will help you out if you’re currently pining after a guy and not sure how to go about getting his attention.
Dumb Mistake #1 – Obsessing over ONE guy
I know how it is, you see a guy and for some reason, the stars align and you’re suddenly “in love” and have your whole future planned with him in your head.
From what you know of him, which is still very little, he seems “perfect”. He has the good looks, the ambitions, the same hobbies and interests as you and he seems like he’d make a GREAT boyfriend.
Suddenly you can’t stop thinking about him and fantasying about being together, getting married, having kids etc etc.
You have this perfect vision of your life together planned out and you barely even KNOW him.
Why is this a dumb move? First of all, you’re putting this guy on a pedestal without even realizing it. You’ve categorized him as this type of person, who likes these things and must behave this way, and from what you assume you know about him, he seems like he’d be perfect.
Now, BECAUSE you’ve built him up in your head, he is now an idol that you can’t seem to touch. Furthermore, you now feel “unworthy” of him subconsciously.
Why this is ultimately self-sabotaging is because once you put a guy on a pedestal, you’re going to be more nervous around him, you’re going to overanalysis and worry about what you’re going to say and do, and worst of all, you’re NOT going to be yourself!
Dumb Mistake #2 – Not sending the RIGHT Signals
This one I messed up on majorly. Remember, I was the shy girl in high school and had zero experience with flirting or anything. So when I approached him, I was thinking along the lines of “start as friends first”.
Nothing wrong with this, but the thing is, if you DON’T give a guy any signals other than that you want to be friends, he’s ONLY going to act according to his assumption that you want to be friends.
Now, the common complaint from women is that they don’t get many guys approaching them and asking them out. Well, guess what? Unless you are sending out the RIGHT signals, he isn’t going to know you’re interested and put in the effort to ask you out!
This means, if you happen to meet a guy on any occasion OTHER than at a pub, club or a social event where alcohol is served, MOST likely, he isn’t going to be thinking about picking up or getting a girl’s number!
Like most people, his mind will probably be on:
- The video game he’s dying to finish when he gets home
- What he’s going to cook for dinner
- The stress of work on his back
- How much money he’ll have left over after he pays the bills this week
- Etc etc
You need to do something “special” to get his attention.
Girls who are natural flirts, do this without thinking and they LAP UP the attention they get. They are validated each and every time they flirt because guys easily pick up on the signal and their brain (in their pants) gets triggered and they instinctively react by flirting back and 80% of the time, asking the girl for her number or on a date.
Of course, it helps if she is good looking too, but if she is someone who enjoys the attention, she’ll already have that covered.
Sending the right signals mean simply:
- Correct eye contact before a word is even spoken
- Correct SMILE while eyes are LOCKED
- Knowing how to playfully banter with a guy to keep his attention and make him think you’re worth seeking a number/date
These are skills that require some practice if you’re not familiar with it.
(Learn more about flirting with men here)
Dumb Mistake #3 – Not Asking HIM out
This is kind of going against the natural order of things where normally a GUY is meant to ask a girl out. Well, this isn’t the 1950s. It’s completely acceptable to ask a guy for his number and/or a date.
The problem is, 90% of women won’t do this!
Ok, so if you don’t put out the right signals, if you’re nervous and shy when you talk to him, AND you won’t ask him out.
How can you expect HIM to make the first move?
And he won’t.
This is the fact of the dating game and something me and thousands of other women will have learnt the hard way.
If you want that guy, you need to put all your insecurities and worries aside, and then do it!
How do you do it?
This is why I’ve created this site, to help you find that guy, get that guy and keep that guy you want!