The #1 Biggest Mistake That Drives Women Away


Are you sick of chasing after women to only get the cold shoulder or a less than enthusiastic response?

Have you ever wondered why girls aren’t calling you, eager to make plans with you and showing more interest your way?

We all know that men are meant to make the “first move” in most courting scenarios, but does that mean you always have to make the first move? And what if you’re doing something that’s chasing women away instead?

I’m about to share with you one of the BIGGEST reason why women drop the ball and shy away from you after the initial date or interaction.

This principle is true whether you’re after a new girl you just started seeing OR trying to re-establish a connection with your ex girlfriend.

The reason why women ignore some men while desperately trying to gain the attention of others is because they’re been turned off.

The biggest turn off for women during the dating phrase is “neediness”.

This may not come as a surprise, but did you know that you may be acting needy without even realizing it?

Most women make split-second judgements about a man that quickly helps her determine whether she wants you in her life or not.

If you give off “needy” signals via your body language, tone of voice or the things you say to her, she’s going to instantly lower her perceived value of you.

And shockingly, even if you’re the HOTTEST guy she has ever seen, have 100 million friends, and you get along like a house on fire, you could STILL wreck your chances with her if you trigger those “needy” signals.

ESPECIALLY in the beginning.

Here’s how you can make sure you NEVER appear needy, and in fact will make HER be the one to constantly want to call YOU up.

Step 1: Don’t ask for too much too soon.

If you barely even know her, do not make the mistake to ask for too much commitment from her too quickly. So asking her if she’d like to have lunch with you at your favourite café at 1:30pm when you have only spoken to her once or twice is too much of a commitment for someone who barely knows you. (And this goes for ex girlfriends who you have barely spoken to for the last 3 months too!)

Similarly, if you spot a girl who looks smoking hot and you’d love to get to know, approaching her DIRECTLY may actually put her off. Okay, I know a lot of gurus say to just go for it, and if you’re trying to build confidence and get used to rejection, then sure, have a crack, but if you’re actually interested in dating her, you must be more subtle about it.

Instead of approaching her directly with the aim to “get her number”, instead see who else is around her, is she with friends? Can you start a conversation with her friend instead? Can you ask her for the time while you’re waiting? Can you simply strike up a simple conversation about the weather and then go right back to doing whatever you’re doing?

The key is your interaction with her should come across as if it’s something you’ll be doing anyway, you never want to appear as if you’re putting yourself out of the way JUST to talk to her. I mean sure, that can certainly flatter a girl, but that flattery is going to quickly turn into awkwardness too.

Step 2: Keep Things Short & Sweet

When you DO get a date with her, make sure to keep it short! The more into her you are, the more you need to cut it short and leave! I know that seems weird and you may be thinking, well if the date is going well and we’re hitting it off, shouldn’t we just see make it go for as long as possible?

In fact, no!

The longer you drag out a good date, the higher chance for awkward pauses and possibly ending on a less than stellar note. When you see she is the most into you and you’re clicking and connecting all over the price, THAT’S when you need to say, “I’ve had a great time with you, let’s definitely do this again. I have to [some reason here why you need to leave right now].”

My friend has a rule (and he gets calls at all hours of the night from women), that no matter how great a girl is, he’s first few meets with a woman will never go for more than 45 minutes. The more into a woman he is, the more he needs to bail at the 45minute mark. It works every time, because like I said, he always has women calling him, sometimes multiple times throughout the night.

Leave her with a “high” from that date and watch her texting/calling you immediately, possibly even multiple times afterwards.

Step 3: Do NOT rush into having sex

The more you like her, the more you need to take it slow. You should definitely show you’re interested in her but hold back on getting hot and heavy. A woman will respect you for that, and really you want to respect yourself. Sleeping with anyone too quickly cheapens the whole experience and kills the thrill of the chase too.

I’ve heard that some men do not even go in for a kiss if they really like a woman because they don’t want to screw it up. Good advice. Take it slow and sex will be much more special between you.

Step 4: Space out your interactions

Here’s a simple formula to keep in mind, if you don’t want to risk appearing needy, wait a week between interactions until you’re both much more comfortable about contacting more often.

If you have just met, ask if she is on Facebook (or get her number if you REALLY click), and then do NOT add her as a Facebook friend or call her until a week later.

If the connection between you is very high, then instead of waiting a week, try 2-3 days. Resist talking more often and instead space it out more than you feel you need to.

If this girl has nothing better to do but to text/call and bombard you everyday with messages so soon after you meet, it’s probably not someone you want to be with anyway. And if she is really interested, she’ll be happy to hear from you as long as you don’t wait an entire month before contacting her again.

Generally, weekly catchups are a decent amount in the beginning until you get closer with one another.

Follow these 4 tips and you’ll see girls calling and texting you all the time. It makes the dating game last longer and will be much more fun too.

Women value men who have their own life and are busy. It will make her feel like you’re a catch and value the times when she CAN see you and talk to you. That’s why it’s important to never make yourself too available.

Even if you have nothing planned on a Friday night, it’s actually better to stay home than to accept to go out with her just because she asked. Instead, say, “I’ll be a bit busy tonight, how about next week.”

If she gets the sense that she can see you and talk to you whenever she feels like it, she’s going to lose respect for you and ONLY call you when she has nothing better to do.

About Author'

Ashley Kay is an dating and relationship expert who runs an online dating and relationship newsletter, she's also the founder of



    Hi Ashley,

    Reading your email I feel not good because I was exactly N° 4!!! I was available 24/7 and she said one day that I have nothing to do… I do believe that was the cause of the break up because I was no longer attractive.
    Well well, good to know now.



      Wow! That’s so so true. Sadly it’s been a year since I lost this one girl that I truly love. At least I now realize the reason why I lost her. Thanks for the tip.


    Funny how this post could be written for girls too…

    Men and woman are not so different after all. Both sexes wants to feel attractive, and have a sense that the other partner is a nice catch, since “they’re letting us spending time with us”…

    The more respect a guy has for himself, and the more value he puts in himself – plus: The more he feels comfortable with himself – the more attracted I am to him. Guys that do have that “laid back” attitude, being calm and confident about who they are, who respect and accept themselves for who they are, is the hottest guys on the market.

    Insecurity is definitely OK on the first few dates ofc, but not if it’s a huge issue from early childhood traumas. I was in a relationship with a guy like that and throughout the whole time, he didn’t want to do anything about his own issues, instead blaming me for HIS faults (WTF?!)
    I don’t think I need to say that thit behaviour was a major turn off, now do I? Just as men don’t like girls with too many problems and traumas, women do not like men with a lot of personal problems either. Especially if they do not intend to do anything about them if confronted with them…

    The underlying problem is often that the man in question doesn’t want to do anything about his issues because he does not like to feel like a failure. I would have more respect for a guy if he admitted that he has flaws and issues and that he wanted to do something about them for the sake of the relationship. But often times he doesn’t do anything, and instead he looses the girl in the end because he was too prideful to even talk about his issues and do something about them. I’m sad to say that this was how my ex lost my respect and love for him.

    Let that be a lesson for you too, guys.

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