Is your lover not what you have always dreamed of? Have you been meeting a lot of really nice guys, but there’s just nothing there? Does it feel as if you’re never going to find “the one”? Here’s how to decide if you should settle or wait for something better.
There comes a time in every person’s life when they begin to feel a little too old to find love. They begin to wonder if maybe romantic love just isn’t in the cards for them, or if perhaps they’re being too picky when they day.
I am a perfect example of this. As a woman in her late thirties, I can tell you that I’ve spend many nights wondering if I’ll ever feel love for another man. I’ve questioned my self-worth, I’ve cried myself to sleep, and I’ve just about thrown in the towel for so long now that the option of settling has seemed a little too appealing as of late.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some very nice dates with some very nice guys. But each date has left me feeling less than inspired in matters of the heart. One man was a little too feminine for me, another spent hours talking about himself, but barely asked about me, and others ranged from not telling me they were still married to getting a little too familiar on the first date.
All in all, dating has been less than romantic and I haven’t felt a spark in longer than I can remember.
Perhaps I’m being too picky? Maybe I should accept one of these guys as all I can get and just settle down? Maybe “love” doesn’t exist anymore?
I don’t believe any of that.
Let me tell you why I’m holding out for “the ONE” and not staying with someone I just don’t feel that spark for.
Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?
There are two kinds of men in this world, ladies (and two kinds of women if you’re a man). There’s the “forever” kind and the “fun while it lasts” kind.
There are many reasons why we choose not to stay with a “fun while it lasts” kind of person, but the most important reason is that we don’t feel a connection to them. If you’re with someone and you don’t feel the need to get to know them more or feel the aching desire to be around them all the time, then why would you want to marry them?
Mr. Right Now is a temporary person who isn’t meant to stay in your life forever, and that’s okay. Accept it for what it is, but don’t force yourself to stay in the relationship.
Are There Any Sparks?
There are many elements that come to mind when you think of finding that special someone and trust me when I say that lust is one of those elements. You cannot spend your entire life with someone that you do not feel desire for. Sex is a very important part of a romantic relationship, and without that desire you’re missing out one of the most important aspects of life.
Also, if you choose to spend your life with someone you don’t desire, then you’re leaving yourself open to potentially cheat on them later. Why would you hurt yourself or another person that way?
Is There Friendship?
Of course, don’t confuse love and lust. Just because you and Mr. Right Now have mind-blowing sex, there’s no need to assume the relationship has anything else going for it. In fact, if you make the mistake of assuming sex equals love, then you’re really going to get hurt.
In order to be truly in love you have to have a combination of friendship and desire. You have to be able to talk to that person, you must want them on a mental and emotional level, and you have to connect on those levels as well.
Are You Missing Something in the Relationship?
It’s also important to realize that if you don’t respect someone, then you don’t really love them. You can be friends with someone and you can have sex with them, but if they’re just not the kind of person you would want to be, then it’s not going to work.
The very first lesson I learned about love is that in order to love someone you have to respect them.
If you’re with somebody that has different moral standards than yourself or you don’t accept their beliefs, then the relationship won’t work.
What Should You Do…
Love, lust, and respect are the three elements that make a good and long lasting relationship. If one of these elements is missing, then you’ll always feel as if there’s something lacking in your love life. You cannot force yourself to feel any of these three things if you just don’t feel them.
If you don’t feel those things, then your relationship is doomed from the start. You might not ever cheat on your partner, you might not ever leave your partner, but you will never fully love them. Because of that, you and your partner will be missing out on “true” love and everything wonderful about it!
I’ve been lonely a very long time. I haven’t been in love in over five years and sometimes I wonder if I’m broken.
Then I analyze my relationships.
I know when it’s nothing more than lust, and I know when it’s nothing more than friendship. I have yet to find a combination of lust and friendship with a man I also respect. The three haven’t come together for me, and until they do I’ll keep looking.
I know myself well enough that if I’m in an unsatisfactory relationship then I’m going to be even lonelier than if I’d just stayed single.
It’s worth it to wait for true love, it’s worth it to wait for someone you want to wake up to everyday for the rest of your life. It’s definitely worth it to hold out for that feeling of euphoria you get when you’ve found the one you’ve been waiting your entire life for.
So no, don’t settle for less. Date and have fun, sure, but don’t make the promise of forever to someone you’re just “okay” with. You won’t be happy, and I guarantee you that your partner doesn’t want someone to just be “okay” with them. Don’t settle. Fall madly and crazy in love!