A week ago, my best friend asked me to meet up. She wants some advice because she and her boyfriend had a massive fight. This is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with but despite how much she loves him, during that argument, she have said some of the most hurtful things to him.
Words CUT people, and because we know it does, we use it often as a weapon to hurt those that we love the most.
But that comes with a price!
Think about the times when you have said terrible things to your partner and knew that you actually meant the exact opposite of everything you said.
We do silly things like threaten our partner that we’ll leave, or that they should leave, that we’re unhappy with them, that they’re not good enough, that we’re not good enough etc.
Words that although are NOT true, when said, it actually becomes and feels REAL.
When we are fearful in a relationship, we tend to project OUR insecurity onto our partners. We start to make THEM doubt the relationship.
The horrifying thing is, once the seed of doubt is planted, we start to look for ways to justify it or to make it real.
It’s kind of like having this dialogue with your partner:
You: “I don’t feel loved by you, you don’t love me anymore.”
Them: “I did love you until you said that. Now maybe I don’t love you as much as I thought.”
This is projecting.
And it is probably one of the most damaging things you can do in a relationship.
TRUST keeps a relationship together, but its courage WE NEED to trust our partners in the first place.
The courage to love even when we don’t feel loved.
Imagine when you’re down, feeling unappreciated and unloved, to actually go to your partner, look into their eyes, hold them close to you and say:
“I love you more today than I ever have.”
“I appreciate you and love you so much.”
When you project LOVE onto your partner, you’ll receive LOVE back.
Yes it works the other way too.