Are you having trouble getting a woman to go out with you again? Finding it difficult to get a girlfriend? Maybe you need to put on the breaks. Here’s how you could be turning her off before you have a chance to turn her on!
Women are not complicated, guys. We want the same things in life that you do…including love. However, your chances of finding a woman who will take the time to get to know you and fall in love with you can be greatly reduced if you’re not careful. Many guys sabotage their dates without even realizing what they’re doing!
The past two dates I’ve been on have been the ultimate experience for me in what men should not do if they ever want a second date with a woman. I’ve compiled this list and narrowed it down into ten things for you guys, so listen carefully.
I know you’re good deep inside. I know you’re looking for love just like the rest of us, but if you do any of the things on this list, I’m out of there (as is every other woman on the planet). It’s not that we’re too picky, it’s just that we need a man who is confident in himself and generous with us, not a boy with issues who displays his insecurities freely. Trust me, no matter how much a woman says she “wants a sensitive guy”, she does not want that guy on the first date.
Don’t Give Too Much Information
I do not need to know your entire life history on the first date, or the second for that matter. Honestly, I had a man tell me about his abusive mom on date number one. Do you know what that tells me? It says he is insecure and has some seriously unresolved mother issues. It’s also an immediate red flag. Anything personal should wait until you’re deeper into a relationship with someone, never on the first few dates!
Be Honest BEFORE You Take Her Out
Ah yes, my least favorite thing. Here’s a hint, gentlemen. Before you give a gal your number, or ask to a lady to dinner, make sure you tell her if you’re already married. If you’re on a date and then spring it on her that you’re still legally married all it does is let her know that you’re probably not going to be monogamous…or you’re a serial monogamist who can’t stand to be alone and is looking for emotional support from another human being. Both of these things are turn offs.
Don’t Ask Her Where She Wants to Eat and Then Change Her Mind
Women hate this. If you ask her where she wants to eat, or what movie she wants to see, or ask her to make any other choice for that matter, and you agree to it then change your mind and tell her you’d rather so such-and-such instead…you won’t get another date. You’re only showing her that you’re bossy and her opinion doesn’t really matter (it’s all about you).
Stop Talking About Kissing/Touching
I agreed to go on a second date with a guy because he had already made the plans and really wanted to go out. I advised him it was strictly platonic. His reaction: “Can I at least kiss your hand? It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, after all.”
My reaction: Oh HELL no!
You see, I’d already made up my mind that this guy was not my type and he was trying to push me anyway. It’s rude, it’s uncalled for, and it certainly does the opposite of attracting a woman when you make an unwanted advance. If she doesn’t want to be kissed, don’t try!
You’re Not in a Relationship
If this is the first date, you’re not in a relationship. No, really, you’re not. Don’t act like you own her. I flat out told one man that I’m not his girlfriend, we’ve only known each other for three hours. He replied that was “fair enough, but I’m not going to date anyone but you”. I responded by telling him he should because I’m going to date whomever I want because “this is not a relationship”.
Do NOT Whine About It
Whatever it is you feel the need to whine about, stop it. If you’re whining about the place you’re having dinner or the fact that you’re doing what SHE wants to do instead of what YOU wanted to do…well, you won’t see her again. Oh, and puppy dog eyes don’t work on most women.
Be Wary of Flowers
Giving her flowers in the hopes of getting her to change her mind and kiss you (putting it politely) or agree to be your girlfriend is pushing things too far. I got a dozen roses on a second date from the guy who assumed I was his girlfriend after date one. It freaked me out.
I’m not a commitment-phobe by any means, in fact, I very much long for a good relationship and a life-long partner. However, I also have a good head on my shoulders and I know that there are things that should spark up red flags. Flowers as a means of emotional bribe are definitely a red flag.
Flowers for the sake of politeness on a first date are perfectly acceptable, however, and I encourage them! It’s a lovely old-fashioned tradition that is sadly fading away. Of course, make it a small bunch of daisies, not a dozen roses, okay?
Stop Texting Her All the Time
If you’re the kind of guy who can’t help but text a woman you like every hour on the hour with some ridiculous thing that popped into your head that you want to share…well, some women like that. In fact, it’s kind of endearing for the first two days, but after that it just feels like you’re smothering her!
I got a text from a guy I had one date with asking me what he should eat for lunch (I don’t know) and then one later asking me what DVD he should watch (I don’t care). His neediness was annoying me real fast. The last straw, however, wasn’t when I tried to get him to stop texting me by telling him I had work to do…no, he texted me later anyway…the last straw was when he kept texting and I told him I was at the ER with my son…and he kept texting me anyway about his day.
I lost what very little interest I had in him at that moment.
Read this carefully, guys. You’re going to turn her off if you contact her every moment of the day. Let a woman breathe!
Be a Man
Man-up. Don’t whine at me that I’m already breaking your heart by not getting physical and intimate with you, and don’t give me puppy dog eyes when I deny your request to be in a relationship after knowing you for one short date. Whining and pouting and guilt-tripping are childish and rude.
Do Not Make Assumptions
Before you begin to assume she does or does not like you, let me stop you in mid thought. I’ve had plenty of dates I liked very much but didn’t jump into too quickly, and dates I didn’t like very much at all but still gave a second chance (just in case my first impression was wrong). Every woman is different, and every woman will have different ideas on what she does and doesn’t want in a man, so don’t assume you already know her.
Your chances of getting to know her definitely increase, however, if you follow these tips.