Contacting Your Ex During Birthdays or Special Holidays – What to Say and Do


It’s funny when you break up with someone, suddenly you get dilemmas like what to do during Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthdays etc. Do you still give them something in good spirit or would that come off as being needy, desperate or just creepy?

I feel it doesn’t hurt to send your ex something simple, like a card with a brief message on it. DON”T go extravagant and use this as a chance to impress your ex with romantic gifts or a long love letter that’s full of apologies for the break up. Don’t Do it!

I’d even avoid flowers, chocolates and the usual things that are only reserved for LOVERS.

Pick a fairly neutral card that you would send to a friend, nothing romantic or suggestive. Write a brief note that shows you still care about him or her but keep it friendly. Don’t talk about the break up or your relationship or try to apologize.

Make it light and even poke fun if you can.

The real key is to send the card LATE. Preferably send it on the DAY of the special holiday so it gives the impression you almost “forgot”. You wouldn’t have of course, you still did remember the date, but since you sent it on the day, it will arrive a few days late, which is the effect you want to have.

As if to say:

I’m thinking about you, but I’m not obsessively thinking about you. I still have a life but I still care enough to spend 5 minutes to send you a card out of kindness.

Remember don’t spend hours upon hours crafting your message, just write it without over-analyzing it. It will sound more natural and give off the impression you thought of it last minute.

One key bonus this will have is that, on the day, your ex will expecting something. Even if out of curiosity. Once they realize they didn’t receive anything on the day, this will make them wonder why they even cared to begin with and might even get emotional about the whole thing.

Sometimes, this will even prompt an ex to call YOU!

The biggest misconception is believing an ex has suddenly dropped all feelings for you post break up and they’re happily over you. Moved on as if you never existed. This is what your ex WANTS you to think, because that gives them all the more power. But it’s not at all the truth underneath the surface.

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Ashley Kay is an dating and relationship expert who runs an online dating and relationship newsletter, she's also the founder of

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